Karma
by WynterWyvrn
Summary: Because Kenshin deserves some cosmic retribution for all the trauma he put Kaoru through cannon. AU. Oneshots. Fluff. Humor. Romance. Crack. Drama. Angst. Current: Truce (Bribery!Verse)... And the attempts to crawl into Kaoru's favor continue...
1. Chapter 1: Bribery

I'm working on the other one too, I swear. This was just fast and could be typed out between classes (and possibly during lecture).  
p.s. Thanks to Jason M. Lee for catching a typo!  
p.p.s. Yes, I do need a beta. Pretty badly. Thanks for the catch L!

Disclaimer: I claim only the dialog.

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**1- Bribery:**  
_It didn't matter how many times she said no, he just kept coming back... and with goodies._

"Kao'u? Will you Ma'wy me 'en we g'ow up?"

"NO!"

"I'll give ou my favo'ite bo'kken."

"… and 'ou'r sh'pin'ee 'op?"

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-w-

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"Give my ribbon back!"

"Only if you let me walk home with you today."

"No."

"I'll buy you ice cream?"

"…"

"Two scoops. Cookie Dough."

"Banana split."

"Done."

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-w-

.

"Come see Batman Saturday?"

"No."

"I have tickets to ooopening night."

"No, Kenshin."

"I hear Joseph Gordon-Levitt is in it..."

"Are you bribing be with another man?"

" … oops. Lost the Batman tickets… Moonrise Kingdom?"

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-w-

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"Spar with me?"

"You'll flatten me"

"Says the national title holder. I'll feed you after."

"You just never compete. _I_ can feed me."

"I'll feed you real food."

"Insulting my cooking will get you nowhere."

"I'm making Oden."

"Psh. Oden Schmoden. I can get free, _string-free _oden from Tae's."

"And wasabi eel. "

"…Shinai or bokken?"

.

-w-

.

"Can I stay with you?"

"What?!"

"My apartment manager was arrested last night. The whole building is being evicted."

"Told you that place was sketch. Go stay with Hiko."

"Hiko would have me sleep in the dog house and you have an empty room. I'll pay rent."

"…"

"I'll cook."

"…"

"And clean."

"…"

"And foot massage."

"… only till you find a new place."

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-w-

.

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-w-

.

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-w-

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"Aren't you glad I give great foot massages?"

"Don't remind me. That's what got me here in the first place."

"You're beautiful this way."

"Well, I'm glad you've developed a taste for bloated whales."

"Stop fishing for compliments, you're gorgeous."

"It's a little hard to believe when you can't see your own feet."

"Would a peanut-butter-Spanish-omelet-burrito make you feel better?"

"You can't solve everything with food and foot messages!"

"So, that's a yes then?"

" …with blueberry sauce on top."


	2. Chapter 2: Flirt

Hm. So working full time + student is much harder to balance than I thought. Thanks for your support thus far and I hope you enjoy this tidbit! I suspect this universe will have much more to follow.

Disclaimer: I claim only the dialog and the lump on Kenshin's head.

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**2- Flirt:**  
_Foot in mouth syndrome._

"What can I do ya for stranger?"

"That _depends_. What are you _offering_?" His head snapped up, heat rushing to fill his face the moment those words slipped out. He had been spending _far_ too much time with Sano. "Ah! I'm sorry—!"

"I'm on the 11th hour of my shift. No cuteness. Please. "

"I'm very sorry miss. I don't know what happened, it just slipped out. I didn't mean anything by it!"

"Great. Now I'm insulted. Not only did you objectify me, but now you're implying I'm not worth hitting on."

"T-that's n—"

"KAORU!"

"Oops, that would be the Boss man calling for me. Hang on a sec. I'll be right back for your order."

He stared, dumbfounded as the dark-haired bartender turned and strode away. Finding his eyes drawn to the sway of her hips, Kenshin thunked his head against the wall by his shoulder. "…ugh. Way to go Himura."


	3. Chapter 3: Friend Zoned

I feel almost prolific! The wonders vacation does for plot bunnies.

Disclaimer: I claim only the dialog.

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**3- Friend-Zoned:**  
_At least you get quality cuddling?_

"Kaoru, you _have to_ get out more. Megumi and me are going dancing at Oniwaban on Friday and you're coming with us."

"Megumi and _I_, Misao. And I have grading to do. So, no."

"Kaoruuu, you use that excuse _every weekend._ At this rate you're going to grow mold and turn into an old maid."

"That would be because I have grading to do every weekend. I'm not sure what gave me the idea of giving quizzes every Friday, but it's too late to back down now. It will be seen as a sign of weakness. I must not be weak!"

"Fine. Grade it Saturday or Sunday or something. You _have_ a whole weekend!"

"Misao, you know Kenshin and I like to spend the weekend together."

"What? Going grocery shopping? Hitting all the coffee shops? Taking slow walks on the beach? I have no idea how you can spend so much time with him without getting stir-crazy."

"Hey! Kenshin is great! He's a fantastic cuddler and can sit through an entire chick-flick. Unlike someone else I know."

"Chick flicks have awesome, adorable, aww-inspiring endings, but I hate waiting the whole movie just to get to the _moment_. That's why fast-forward was invented! Now, horror movies are a rollercoaster ride the whole way through, never a dull moment."

"Mhm. So why haven't we seen Cabin In The Woods yet?"

"Because Megumi is too busy being a proper adult. She hasn't had a proper day off in months. Which is why _we're going dancing Friday._"

"Misao, we just talked about this."

"Yeah, then you tried to distract me with talk of movies. I'm on to you, Kamiya!"

"_Yes._ Use proper English! I swear you're doing this just to annoy the teacher in me."

"No, no more evasions. You're coming with us this weekend, or so help me I'll…I'll… I'll bring out the old shuriken."

"I promised my weekend to Kenshin. He hasn't gotten out in a while, so I was thinking we could go hiking."

"It's _Kenshin_. I really don't think he'd mind if you didn't go hiking with him."

"I promised. And promises are meant for keeping."

"Kaoru. Speaking as your friend. You have to get out more. Meet new people. Date someone. Or you're really going to die an old maid."

"Misao. Speaking as myself. I don't need to get out more. I have all the people in my life I can handle. And at the moment Kenshin is the only one keeping me sane."

"By Aoshi's fine ass, Kaoru. Why don't you just marry him?!"

"Arse. Unless Aoshi has an actual donkey I don't know about, and you suddenly feel a divine connection to it."

"Now you're irritating _me _on purpose. You can't spend the rest of your life with Kenshin. He can't give you everything you need!"

"I don't know… His extravagantly soft hair might be all I need in life. It's so much fun to braid!"

"You've really gone off the deep end this time."

"What? You're the one who insisted I needed to find myself 'male companionship'. And I have. I've found myself a sensitive, caring, loyal guy, who happens to be a great at cuddling and has a stomach made of iron. You should be happy."

"Happy? Happy?! I—"

"He has every quality you said to look for in the opposite sex."

"Not what I meant and you know it. I also said you need to find someone you can get frisky with. He is not _man_ enough for you."

"Gasp! You should stop talking about him that way. He _is_ right behind you."

"It doesn't matter if he's right behind me Kaoru. He'd hardly care!"

"Misao! That's not good for his self-esteem."

"Kaoru. He doesn't have self-esteem. And even if he did, he wouldn't care!"

"Hey! I resent that!"

"It's the truth!"

"No it's not!"

"Kaoru. Let me tell you why Kenshin doesn't care. It's because Kenshin. Is. A. D-O-G, dog. As in: pees with one leg up, tongue-lolling, squirrel chasing canine that is way too interested in using my favorite pumps as chew toys. He cannot pamper you, take you out to dinner, buy you flowers, chocolate, or jewelry. And most importantly, he cannot get you laid! He cannot love you the way a real man does. And heaven knows you need some loving from a real man. And if that wasn't enough; and more importantly to your continued survival, he cannot cook, clean or do your laundry for you. All he can do is track mud all over your floor, eat your groceries when you're not looking, and shed all over your clean laundry. In summary, Kenshin is a D-O-G and thusly NOT adequate company for a hot, twenty-something woman, who should be getting out more and getting _out_ more."

"Glad to know you can spell, Misao. I was worried for a while there."

"AURGH! Kaoru!"

"I can take care of myself. He never pulls any of that doggie mischief. And I'm very happy with how _out_ I am. There, that answers your arguments. Now, I'll be getting more coffee while you calm down."

"Kaoru! Don't you waltz away from me! This conversation isn't over!"

"Just look into those big beautiful eyes and try to stay mad."

"…"

*whine*

"…Don't give me that look you big mutt! This is still all your fault!"

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It amuses me to think of this as something in the Hunt!Verse. Suddenly, Dog!Kenshin seems a lot less innocent.


	4. Chapter 4: Truce (Bribery Verse)

7hrs of sleep in the last 72 hrs, baby. This learning _and_ working thing is... But because there was too great a time gap between moving and spawning in Bribery!Verse. This begged to be written.

Disclaimer: I claim only the dialog.

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**4- Truce (Bribery!Verse):**

_And the attempts to crawl into Kaoru's favor continue..._

"I bought us a replacement carpet for the one Misao's dog ruined."

"There is no us. You're never moving out are you?"

"Don't you like it?"

"… You'll have to return it. That's way too expensive for me to cover my half."

"You do like it."

"Shut up Kenshin. Unlike someone else I know, I have to work to put myself through college."

"Think of it as an early birthday present then. And I work too."

"Being gifted with incredible reflexes and speed doesn't count as work. And my birthday was last week. Remember the overly extravagant kendo set you got me?"

"Early Christmas present then. And please Kaoru, the school forces me to travel every weekend and I have to practice 0400 to 0800 every morning with Saito. That's worse than a full-time job."

"Kenshin. It's June. And you not-so-secretly-enjoy sparing against him"

"So? What if I don't have time to shop for you because of all that traveling?! Saito is a good partner to hone my skills against."

"Oh woe is you! Being forced to travel and do what you love."

"But _Kaoru_, I love _you_."

"…"

"…"

"Remind me to smack Sano the next time I see him. You're becoming even more corrupted."

"What?"

"You just implied that the school pays you to _do_ me."

"Gasp! Such a dirty mind, my sweet Kaoru! Sano would be proud."

"You implied it!"

"You're adorable when you blush like that."

"Go away."

"I live here, remember?"

"Then go to your room!"

"Please, allow me to offer you this lovely carpet as compensation for your emotional distress."

"Give up, Kenshin."

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R&R please! I feel more Bribery!Verse will be forthcoming


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